really bad jokes

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 6:16 pm

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" Asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno...Never found the head

Now go find the worst joke you can and share with the class

LordHades · Post by **LordHades** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 6:32 pm

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 6:50 pm

There was a priest who was summoned by the archbishop, as he had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box. He called every priest he knew, but none were available. He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "I don't know, our religions are very different." The priest replied, "It's okay. All you have to do is line the sin up with the punishment on this chart."

Thus, the Rabbi gave in and decided to fill in. Over the course of the next few days the Rabbi listened to confessions, and helped the people expunge their sins. The third day a man came in and said, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned."

Rabbi: "How have you sinned?"

Person: "I had anal sex."

The Rabbi was stumped, for that sin was not on the chart. So the Rabbi asked the man to wait. The Rabbi asked everyone he could find what the punishment was for anal sex.

Finally, the altar boy walked in. The Rabbi asked, "What does the Father give you for anal sex?"

The altar boy replied, "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 7:04 pm

One day a woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

She said that she did.

Then the doctor asked the woman, "Does it hurt you?"

She said no.

The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."

The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Russo · Post by **Russo** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 9:31 pm

One night, two buddies were drinking in a bar, and they were totally hammered. One friend says to another, "Ya know, the other night I went to a brothel and got a blowjob from a girl that could whistle while she went down on me!"

His friend was shocked. "Where is this brothel? I need to see this girl!" The man gets directions and heads out to the whorehouse.

He knocks on the door and asks the madame, "I want a blowjob from the girl that can whistle while she does it!"

The madame gives him a strange look and asks, "Are you sure?" The man says yes and she leads him to the girl's room.

The man meets the girl, who is moderately attractive, and asks her for a whistling blowjob.

"Are you sure?" the hooker asks. He adamantly shakes his head yes, so she turns off the lights, pulls off his pants and goes to it. Then she starts whistling.

"Wow! That's amazing!" the man says. "You have to show me how you do that!"

"No," says the hooker. "You don't want to know."

"I will give you $100 if you show me how you do it!" The hooker once again says no and continues whistling and sucking his dick.

"I will give you $500 if you show me how you do it!" The hooker says no again and keeps on sucking and whistling.

"I will give you $1000 if you show me how you do it!" Well, this is too much money for the girl to refuse, so she agrees.

She flips on the lights, the man looks down, and next to his leg is a glass eye.

Nigredo · Post by **Nigredo** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:11 pm

Don't come to me for jokes. I suck at telling jokes. The Fallen is the comedy king around here. :shrug:

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:40 pm

Frostmourne wrote:Don't come to me for jokes. I suck at telling jokes. The Fallen is the comedy king around here.

This is where you get to shine my friend. You know what makes you laugh. You know what jokes are so wrong that you laugh but at the same time you feel really bad about it. That is what I want. Find something and just copy/paste. Jokes unlike most other writen information mostly come without authors. Someone made up the joke and then someone twisted it and told it agian and then it gets twisted again as it is told to another person. The oral tradition of laughter can be taken into the 21st century.

Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Dave.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face :twisted:

Nigredo · Post by **Nigredo** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:55 pm

I see your point Mercurygriffin my friend.

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:44 pm

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?...

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:50 pm

...THE HOLOCAUST!

Ha ha ha!

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:25 pm

B_Ko wrote:...THE HOLOCAUST!

Ha ha ha!

Okay, that was fucking hilarious.

Ray+Wendy · Post by **Ray+Wendy** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:31 pm

This guy sits down at the bar next to a smurf and orders a beer. The smurf smiles at him and orders an entire pitcher, which he promptly drinks in its entirety.
A few moments later, the smurf turns to the guy and spits the entire pitcher back up at him.
"What the fuck?" the guy says as the smurf gleefully looks up at him, then orders another pitcher, which again he downs in one shot.

Once again, a few moments later the smurf turns in the guy's direction...
"Dammit, if you do that again, I'll cut your dick off and shove it down your throat!"

Still smiling the smurf replies, "Smurfs don't have penises."
"How do you pee then?" the guy asks.

The smiling smurf spits up the pitcher at the guy.

SilentScreams · Post by **SilentScreams** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 11:39 pm

What is the similarity between women and kuntucky fried chicken?

~~By the time you finish with the breast and thighs all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 11:55 pm

So this guy walks into his apartment only to find his girlfriend packing up all her stuff... so he says to her, "Why are you leaving me?" and she says, "Because you're a pedophile." and he replies, "That's an awfully big word for a seven year old."

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 12:00 am

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off. "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year. "The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!"

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 12:06 am

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Poppa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Poppa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody.

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 6:53 pm

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 6:58 pm

Fair warning.

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 11:28 pm

What do you call a hooker with no legs?

A nightcrawler...

How do you find her?

Follow the slime trail...

karmakaze · Post by **karmakaze** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 4:43 am

DON't READ THIS UNLESS YOU ARE NOT OFFENDED BY DEAD BABY JOKES!!!!!:!:

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A: Use a blender
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.

Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.

Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?
A. Stopping it with a shovel.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth?
A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup.

Ok i am going to stop now. I am soooo going to hell.

really bad jokes

really bad jokes

Jokes

Re: Jokes

Jokes