On Love and the institute of Marriage.

Imp · Post by **Imp** » Wed May 14, 2003 4:57 pm

In reading "Wedded Bliss" it becomes obvious that there are multitudes of ideas here on marriage and love. Quite frankly, I know what my ideas are and doubt that your ideas will change mine much (even if my ideas contradict themselves sometimes), but really, people. That debate doesn't exactly belong in a wedding announcement/congratulatory thread. Bring it here.

A few of my opinions on the subject-
Love is many things to many people. Often an act of will; those days that you wake up and realize that you no longer know the person that has been sharing your bed for years. The will comes in choosing to stay and love them even though they have changed from what you originally loved. When infatuation has burned away, what's left? Too many people don't have the will to stay and rediscover their mates. Some never have to rediscover their mates. Love is a splendid, glorious idea that usually falls short of reality- people expect to find never-ending bliss, and instead discover that relationships actually require work. I also don't think it is the desperate NEED that gets thrown around frequently. Love is a want. If you NEED someone else to make you happy, something is wrong. If they make you happier, grand, but if you are miserable when they are not in the same room- that's not a good sign. Be happy in yourself.
Marriage is what you make of it. As far as I'm concerned, it is little more than a piece of paper with signatures and a date on it. The commitment to another person is not made or broken by a piece of paper and a pretty ring. That is done between them, and only between them. A piece of paper isn't going to fix any relationship problems that were there before. (except, of course, nagging religious relatives) True marriages don't need any of it. It's nice, but not needed.

Lost Traveler · Post by **Lost Traveler** » Wed May 14, 2003 5:02 pm

did they start an argument in that thread? I was woundering how it was getting to page 6 :shock:

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Wed May 14, 2003 6:02 pm

An arguement started in a marriage thread?

Now there's some irony for you.

Celestial Dung · Post by **Celestial Dung** » Wed May 14, 2003 6:46 pm

I just don't see sticking with one person for such a long period of time. Relationships require work I'll grant that but I've always wondered what the benefits are. There are inumerable good people to know out there...why put limits on yourself?

Most of the relationships I've known have been crushed in some form or another. In my opinion it's due to expectations. Your significant other expects you to behave in a certain form or fashion. When you fall short of those expectations troube erupts. For some reason friends don't have such strict expectations of each other. One of the reasons I think everyone should just be friends.

It seems more natural given recent divorce rates that people want to be several partners in their life.

then again some days it seems more rational to kill the libedo altogether as it is the source of most suffering. That's only on my bad days though promise

Marriage just seems so phony. Granted there's probably a sociiallogical basis behind part of it as most sociieties feel the need to ceremonize important events. Puberty, Death, coupling, Birth and what have you. But still I can't rub it out of my mind that marriage began in most culutres as a property acquisition scheme. My respect for marriage is lessened severely by the fact that the US government only finds one type of marriage legally binding. I don't think marriage should be outlawed, I mean to each their own, but I do think that the government should step completely out of it.

And for personal experience, I've always observed that most people who are disinterested in relationships seem to be happier then those who are interested. When your not interesed you don't worry about what to say or do as much.

littlepockit · Post by **littlepockit** » Wed May 14, 2003 6:52 pm

i agree with you, imp. people were making annoucements to allow others to share in their joy.
luckily, i did not get my feelings hurt, nor was i offened by people speaking their opinions. thats it...

kimmie

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Wed May 14, 2003 7:03 pm

Ok, a successful marriage is possible. There are some of a particular mentality that may be able to pull it off.

But only if they're paired damned well.

However, for those of you who have already taken that leap of faith, remember: If it doesn't work out, it's never too late to establish a grim suicide pact.

Hardcoregirl · Post by **Hardcoregirl** » Wed May 14, 2003 7:10 pm

Marriage is to easy to get into and too hard to get out of...

It is none of my business really if the wrong people get married (like say a psycho and a seemingly normal person)...but I guess I want to save people I like the discomfort of getting fucked over and having to pay for divorce and all that shit...

All I'm sayin' is, date a year until you get married or if you've been dating for a while and things haven't been "pie in the sky" don't get married until things are..

That's all I'm sayin...

X · Post by X » Wed May 14, 2003 10:24 pm

Ahhhhhh, the lovely institution known as marriage......

Perhaps i'm just not at the stage in life where i think it's a good idea, but quite frankly i think marriage is a beautiful insititution.

I'm just not crazy, and thus don't belong in an institution.

div · Post by **div** » Wed May 14, 2003 10:25 pm

personally i agree with Imp. marriage is a piece of paper. if it's a piece of paper that eases your life or mind, fine... i wish you happiness... but you can get a piece of paper that says you love someone without even knowing them. the point of a relationship is the relationship itself... not conforming yourselves to others expectations of how you should live.

*div drops his two cents on the counter

Post by **Arkady** » Wed May 14, 2003 11:53 pm

I'd like to add my opinion on marriage here. I need only to look across the living room to see that marriage works if you really want it and you find the right person. Karla and I have been together for about 4 years and married 2. We've never had a fight beyond silly dissagreements that were laughed at within a few hours.

So, here's what i think:

The first key to a sucessful relationship is absolute honesty. Not just with your mate but with yourself. Hanging on to a bad relationship just because you fear being alone is the WRONG way to go. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner. If this isn't happening, it's time to split.

The second key is understanding. The person you choose to live with is their own being. They have dreams, feelings, wants, and needs just like you. You must be willing to put all of those things ahead of your dreams, feelings, wants, and needs. But, this is a 2 way door and your partner must be willing to do the same thing. It's a partnership and you have to treat it as such.

Third is trust. When things go wacky with life (which will happen), you must deal with it together and be able to trust that your partner will back you up come hell or high water. As long as that covenant of trust is there, nothing can come between you. The moment that trust is broken, even in the slightest way, you might as well throw in the towel. There is nothing you can do to get it back.

Fourth is Humor. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and the shit life throws at you. If you can't do that your going to be miserable and make any potential partners the same.

Ok, so all that being said, there is no doubt in my mind that Karla and I are going to end up being that cute old couple that you might have seen walking down the beach at sunset holding hands and you just knew that they are still as in love as they were when they first met. And then, just as now, when I look at her, I won't see anything as superficial as flesh or age. I'll just see the woman I always wished and hoped I'd be ready for and was lucky enough to recognise when I finally met her.

And to think that a few years ago, I had almost given up on the idea of life long love.

jenna · Post by **jenna** » Wed May 14, 2003 11:56 pm

Marriage is just a piece of paper. If it is a piece of paper actually symbolizing the feelings that 2 people have towards eachother, then it's a cool thing. If not, then it sucks and/or is meaningless.
My marriage is one of the things that has brought the most happyness into my life. But, my marriage isn't a traditional one. i think if i was in a traditional marriage i would go insane.

ophelia · Post by **ophelia** » Thu May 15, 2003 12:09 am

Buttercup wrote:All I'm sayin' is, date a year until you get married or if you've been dating for a while and things haven't been "pie in the sky" don't get married until things are..

That's all I'm sayin...

You're more optimistic than I am... "they" say that it takes 18 months for the "lusty" phermones to wear off, and then you begin to really get to know a person. Personally, my vote (and plan) is at least three years. You need to know how your partner will react to trauma as well as the initial in-love bliss, and that takes time. Besides, if you really are intending to spend your entire life with someone, it doesn't metter how long the trial period lasts. If you can't weather a few years, you can't weather a lifetime.

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Thu May 15, 2003 12:48 am

While marriage is all fine and dandy for some people, its still mainly a monotheistic ceremony, ridiculously overpriced with divorce being even more overpriced. Mayhaps a look should be taken into handfasting...

Post by **Arkady** » Thu May 15, 2003 12:58 am

ophelia wrote:
Buttercup wrote:All I'm sayin' is, date a year until you get married or if you've been dating for a while and things haven't been "pie in the sky" don't get married until things are..

That's all I'm sayin...

You're more optimistic than I am... "they" say that it takes 18 months for the "lusty" phermones to wear off, and then you begin to really get to know a person. Personally, my vote (and plan) is at least three years. You need to know how your partner will react to trauma as well as the initial in-love bliss, and that takes time. Besides, if you really are intending to spend your entire life with someone, it doesn't metter how long the trial period lasts. If you can't weather a few years, you can't weather a lifetime.

Agreed. I'd say 2 years minimum myself.

Nemesis · Post by **Nemesis** » Thu May 15, 2003 3:56 am

littlepockit · Post by **littlepockit** » Thu May 15, 2003 9:07 am

marriage, to some, is a religious experience. i know i have an odd sense of morality, but there are some things that i stick by and i do not budge one inch and one of these is the sancitity of marraige and the duty to raise my child in a God respecting home. she is being already living in such a home, but now is time for her father and i to wed.

being catholic, and coming from a devout catholic family, divorce is not an option. of course there are two exceptions, physical abuse and/or polygamy, but those exceptions will not be an issue with jeffry or i. we do love each other whole heartedly and i can honestly say there is not one person i could see myself growing old with, except karin but thats a little different. i know we had our difficutlies and i know there are only a very few on the board who accept my decision, but that is ok. i still care about single person on the board and i bear no ill will against anyone, even those who wish evil things upon me.

kimmie

Sir Diddimus · Post by **Sir Diddimus** » Thu May 15, 2003 10:23 am

Being divorced twice kind of left a sour taste in my mouth for marriage. I used to think I would never find someone with which I could spend the rest of my life, but I actually believe I have found that person. I used to think she didn't exist. I was wrong. Marriage is something I do not and will not enter lightly. It is something special to be appreciated by the two individuals. Twice, I have been burned by this. I was apparently the only one in the relationships who believed this. I will not make the same mistakes again.

So, please remember this about me.........

MahoganyDawn · Post by **MahoganyDawn** » Thu May 15, 2003 10:45 am

I have nothing against people getting married. I think it's great. As long as they make sure they know what they are getting into. Make sure that the person you are with is really the one and if there is ANY doubt at all.. no matter how small.. call it off till you get that resolved.

Lost Traveler · Post by **Lost Traveler** » Thu May 15, 2003 10:53 am

Ok Sir Diddimus is the official Ross of the group.

Weddings should be banned

If you want to live togethr forever then DO IT! what do you need a stupid ceremony for?

Marriage is only so the female can take a males property, if he dosnt meet her expectations or pisses her off, It serves no other purpose

actually so people that got pissed at that last statement dont look crazy i shall leave it. But thats nowhere near what i was going for pls seem my last post

Sir Diddimus · Post by **Sir Diddimus** » Thu May 15, 2003 10:59 am

Lost Traveler wrote:Ok Sir Diddimus is the official Ross of the group.

Didn't you read my post fully?

I will not be "That Guy"!!!!!!!!!!!
:lol: