really bad jokes

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 2:01 pm

A guy just got out of prison, he was there for attempted murder and armed robbery. He got 10 years, well anyway he is out and he wants navel, so he runs to the nearest whorehouse and says "i want navel!" the manager says "huh?" the guy yells "i want to lick a girls belly button!" the manager says "we dont allow perverts" The guy grabs the manager by his shirt collar and says "give me navel now!" So, the manager walks the guy into a room where there is this girl with boobs hanging down to her knees and her nipples are protruding out at least 4 inches, a real nightmare. The manager says "here you go". The guy jumps on her and starts licking lick lick lick lick lick then he finds a piece of corn in his teeth and he knows he hasn't eaten any corn but he continues to lick lick lick then he comes across a piece of meat stuck in his teeth he tells the whore i am going to throw up the whore says "thats exactly what the last guy did".

LordHades · Post by **LordHades** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 4:18 pm

Lady At The Bar

There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted a drink she would raise her hand. She had very bad armpit hair. The Bartender was getting really grossed out and told the man sitting at the bar that next time she did that he was not going to give her a drink.

One minute later she said, ''Bartender, Bartender, get me another drink.''

The bartender said no. The man sitting there said, ''Oh give the poor ballerina another drink.''

The bartender said, ''How do you know she is a ballerina?''

The man replied, ''Well anyone that can lift there leg that high must be a ballerina!''

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sun Nov 28, 2004 3:33 pm

There is a mental institution and a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting out like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie what are you doing?"
Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and ask, "Well Charlie, how you doing?"
Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago"
"Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously!
With surprise she asks, "Bob what are you doing!"
Bob says.. "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:28 pm

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

RavenLunatic · Post by **RavenLunatic** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:29 pm

A man walks by a ladder that reaches up so far he can't see the top, the sign at the bottom reads, "Ladder of Success" & so he decides to start climbing, curious as to where it might take him.
He comes to the first level where there is set before him a meal fit for a king! Along with the biggest, juiciest steak he's ever seen & a large pitcher of beer. He says to himself, "Man, I have been climbing for awhile & I'm starving! And I sure could chug that pitcher of beer as thirsty as I am. But I can't stop here, I have to see what's farther up."
So he continues to climb & comes to the second level where set before him, now, is a big bed with 2 naked women ready for him! His eyes nearly pop out of his head & he says to himself, "Wow, I've never been with 2 women before. This certainly makes me forget all about being hungry for steak, but then again, if this is what's waiting on me here, what could possibly be waiting for me at the top?"
So he decides to continue climbing, & climbing, & climbing until he feels like he can't climb anymore. He's just about ready to give up when suddenly he sees the top. He can't wait to see what's there! He's been climbing for so long & thinking back on all the other things he passed up, this has to be the best thing that could ever happen to him!
Finally he reaches the top & walks through a large tunnel of bright light. At the other end there's a big, fat, hairy, sweaty, smelly guy sitting there waiting on him. The man looks very bewildered. "I don't understand', he says, 'this is The Ladder of Success, who the hell are you?" The fat guy replies, "Why, I'm Cess!"

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!