really bad jokes

Russo · Post by **Russo** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:08 pm

You forgot my favorite!!

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a cadillac?

I don't have a cadillac in my garage!

CHRISTOFF · Post by **CHRISTOFF** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:10 pm

OMG man i haven't heard a dead baby joke in like forever. I spit jack and coke on my lap top. you have balls for puting those out here .

:twisted:

CHRISTOFF

MadHatter · Post by **MadHatter** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 4:25 pm

A drunk walks out of a bar as a nun is passing by. He does a double take, then proceeds to beat the nun up. As she is laying on the ground after the beating, the drunk looks at her and says, " Not so tough now are you Batman?"

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 6:29 pm

What did the blind, paralyzed autistic boy get for Christmas?

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 6:31 pm

CANCER!
Ha ha ha!

Ray+Wendy · Post by **Ray+Wendy** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 12:53 am

What's the difference between dead babies and bowling balls?

You can't throw bowling balls with a pitchfork.

ophelia · Post by **ophelia** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 1:23 am

A priest and a rabbi are taking a walk and they pause to watch some young boys playing at a public park.

The priest asks the rabbi, "Hey, do you think we should screw them?"

The rabbi replies, "Out of what??"

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:48 pm

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly", she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That was me before the surgery."

junkie christ · Post by **junkie christ** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:02 pm

worst bad joke i know, bush got elected again.

Codeine Coma · Post by **Codeine Coma** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:30 pm

junkie christ wrote:worst bad joke i know, bush got elected again.

Agreed

q:What's black and blue and hates sex?
a: The little girl in my trunk. :twisted:

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 8:16 pm

worst bad joke i know, bush got elected again.

BAM!

LordHades · Post by **LordHades** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 8:59 pm

BAM!

Ka-Pow!!

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 10:19 pm

What's gross?

A dead baby nailed to a tree!

What's grosser then that?

Ripping it off!

What's gross?

A dump truck full of dead babies.

What's grosser then that?

A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser then that?

It eats it's way to the top.

What's grosser then that?

It goes down for seconds.

karmakaze · Post by **karmakaze** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:57 am

why do the chicks dig Jesus?

Because he was hung like this....

<---------------------->

(spreads out arms)

karmakaze · Post by **karmakaze** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:05 am

Q: How do you tell the age of a dead baby?

A: Cut off its head and count the rings.

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I like my women the same way I like my coffee.

Ground up and in the freezer

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Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: "See you next month!"

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A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"

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Q: why are there's never any female elves pictured in the kebler commersials?

A: They're all fudge-packers.

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, kazam! -- she became the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, kazam! -- she became the richest woman in the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Russo · Post by **Russo** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 12:32 pm

karmakaze wrote:A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"

I just died a little inside. :shock:

Still fucking hilarious, though! :twisted:

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:40 pm

LordHades wrote:
BAM!

Ka-Pow!!

SHAZAM!

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:14 pm

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female.
"No! I'm not doing it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a damn queer?"

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:51 pm

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.
On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her.
On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.
From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

TheInfiniteMonkey · Post by **TheInfiniteMonkey** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:28 pm

Some things you should never say to a cop...

Excuse me. Is "stickup" hyphenated?

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

"Lets do it differently this time . . . I'll give YOU the breathalizer test. Now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

What do you mean 'Have I been drinking?' You're the trained specialist.

That uniform makes your ass look really big.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy!

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44!

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.