Knoxville Driving Rules

[The Fallen]

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is NOX-VULL.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Knoxville has its own version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce says parking after dark in the Old City should be "pretty safe".

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

7. Gallaher Road can only be correctly pronounced by a native.

8. Construction on I-40 / 75 is a permanent fixture of Knoxville life. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.

9. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, old police cars, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits and crows feeding on any of these items.

10 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".

11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pickup truck have the right of way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on the Pellisippi Parkway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is an East Tennessean's version of a NASCAR track.

13. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

14. Never stare at the driver of a car with their name stickered on the window.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone ... you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.


17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Dogwood Arts Festival is going on.

19.Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports,etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

20. It is better to stay off the roads on Saturdays in the fall, as 3 out of 4 drivers have had way too much to drink at the ballgame.

21. There is nothing up in the Sunsphere. Don't try to go up there. I'm telling you there is nothing there that would interest you.

22. It is a good and honorable thing to work on a mobile home sales lot.

23. Yeah the mountains are pretty, but how 'bout them Outlet Malls!

24. Don't ask anyone about Oak Ridge. We know. They know we know. We know they know we know. We just aren't supposed to say anything about it.

25. Do not slow down on I-640. If you are drinking a beer, throw the bottle at the empty police car as you pass

[Dark Elf]

LOL! So true! I love the one about the Sunsphere!

[gothic_spleen]

Number (9)...road hazards...almost got kicked out of the library...laughing too hard

[footprintzinthesand]

I think Kingston Pike goes all the way to fucking Utah, or one of those barren states out in the middle of BFE...

26) Drunk crackheads leaving porn shops have the right of way.

[footprintzinthesand]

Oh, and I was wrong for once (jk)... Kingston Pike doesn't go to Utah, i'm not sure what fuckin road I was thinking of, or if it was even a road... might've been a river?

Also, the "drunk crackhead" thing actually happened to me, New Years' 2005... Yeah, I still bitch about it sometimes... LOL...

[junkie christ]

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.

24. Don't ask anyone about Oak Ridge. We know. They know we know. We know they know we know. We just aren't supposed to say anything about it.

25. Do not slow down on I-640. If you are drinking a beer, throw the bottle at the empty police car as you pass

those are the best
esp the oak ridge thing
ive learned that one since i moved here........

[TiredUnhappy]

Those were good, very entertaining.

[Dark Elf]

27) And if your car has no muffler, you might get laid tonight.

[gothic_spleen]

28)tobacco juice will eat paint, if it hits your car while driving pull off imeadeatly and get it off ur paint