Nympholeptic Shock

[celticsmith]

My love for you continues unabated
This incessant longing for you
That tears at my soul
Would that I were free
Of the constraints on my actions
I would end my life
To cease the pain of this endless desire.
That is not the case however.
I am chained to those
Who’s hearts I hold dearly
In the palm of my hand
Blocking the blade from my grasp

The chemicals I consume
To maintain my sanity
And shield myself from the blackness
At the core of my being
These also allow me to endure
My self inflicted torment
I have only to let you go
I have only to turn away
To cease to fan
The flames of my desire
Let the fire burn out
Let my heart grow cold

To live a living death
To turn away from you
And betray my heart
To die from my own torture
To end the pain of my desire
Even though it is that same love
That bars my hand from action
Or to endure
In hopeless hope
That the truth of my heart
Will overcome the truth
Before my eyes
Are these my only choices?

No, there is another
I could give in to the darkness
The evil at my core
Has the power
To bend the universe
To my desire
To posess you
Mind and body
I need only to destroy
Destroy the spirit within you
Shatter the community around us
Silence the music and end the dance

Every morning the choice is made
To walk in the light or shadow
It always seems
To distill down
to that single moment
Take the right path, or the left
The right, once bathed in light
Is now clouded and dark
Portents of a coming storm
The left hand path
Once shrouded in shadows
Is brightened by the fires
Of my burning desires
Purified by fire
Washed clean by rain
Why must I make this choice again?


It is late and I am tired
In the morning these thought will be gone
Evaporated into mist
I have dwelt upon this feeling
For just over a day
Precisely 24 hours…and a little bit
I just thought I would write it down
Before it took up residence again
In the back of my mind
To sit in the gallery of demons
That whisper in my ear
to steal away my resolve
And deepen my fear