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One of my poems. Feel free to comment.
Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2003 12:35 pm
by WraithAngel
Humanity
By: Wraith
Goose stepping armys can see.
The death that is in store for thee.
Hate kills and never sees.
The truth that lies within the trees.
Mortal goals and mortal causes.
Life untainted by these stains.
Innocence of the hunter.
The life on which it feeds.
Then feeds the life in turn.
Never killing for foolish goals.
Or greed or petty lifes rewards.
Part of the circle can't you see?
Not the destroyers that are we.
Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2003 1:06 pm
by WraithAngel
And yes bad input will not be punished with horrible nasty death.

Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2003 1:27 pm
by pryjmaty
I liked it, but I usually don't comment on poetry simply because I'm not a poetry connoisseur. The images I get from reading poetry are usually opposit to what the author intended. Not sure what you intended for yours, but I first got an image of an army, filled with hate, killing civilians for the fun of it. Then, I pictures a starving man trying to kill a squirrel so he and his family would have food that day.
Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2003 2:07 am
by WraithAngel
Actually it kinda skipped around. It talks about well human BS then looks at the animal kingdom. IE nature. I dunno. Personally think it sucks but I've been told its good. Want someone to agree with me for once darn it. hEh
Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2003 11:54 pm
by pryjmaty
As I said, I really don't grasp poetry that well. The "hidden" message in alot of them completely escapes me.
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 12:09 am
by The Fallen
Well to be really petty and small minded, using thee in the 2nd line then then switch to you near the bottom does really detract a bit. You started with a rhyme scheme and then tossed it?

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 1:48 am
by WraithAngel
Eh. Not particularly. I don't really think about what I write. Kinda just ummm falls out the way it is. hEh
And I have a penchant for breaking into old english from time to time.