Gother than thou.
Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2003 4:56 pm
It's come to my attention that Spam is Gother than any of you. Really, think about it.
1) He completely denies being "Goth". In fact he may even become violent if you refer to him as being "gothic", "Goth", or even "dark and spooky". ‡
2) He listens to obscure and depraved music. Oh come on, the underbelly of the record store isn't The Cure, it's pure fucking Hip-Hop. w0rd.
3) He can shift between his natural "Master-Goth-Race" form and his civilian disguise in the blink of an eye†.
4) He really doesn't care what you think. Pretention at it's best.
5) His cell phone rings to the tune of Knight Rider. How can you get any Gother than that?
I think that we should make him the KnoxGothic.com mascot, right down to t-shirts and a little plush Spam doll. Such gothic intrigue should be paid due homage, I say.
Hail to the king.
† - I do indeed have proof of this Master-Goth-Race form. Here is a shot of him beginning his transformation, notice the lengthening fangs? That's not Teeth by Gnash, yo. Don't miss the ears, either. Way to go, wolfman. And here is a pic taken immediately afterwards, when his complexion shifted from Token Hip-Hop kid to Gother than thou. Right down to the bad makeup job. Extraordinary. I almost sprained my wrists taking these pictures, let me tell you. He's quick! (Larger shots are available here and here, respectively.)
‡ - Although to some he certainly does look like a teddy bear, you should probably avoid making sudden moves around him while the DJ's are playing their sets. He appears to have a mild allergy to The Smiths, and has been known to get angry after inhaling too much clove smoke and patchouli. Do not make direct eye contact with him, as he may see this as a challenge to his personal territory. It's safe to feed him, but only after chanting "Yummy down on this" wildly for a minute or so. You've been warned.
1) He completely denies being "Goth". In fact he may even become violent if you refer to him as being "gothic", "Goth", or even "dark and spooky". ‡
2) He listens to obscure and depraved music. Oh come on, the underbelly of the record store isn't The Cure, it's pure fucking Hip-Hop. w0rd.
3) He can shift between his natural "Master-Goth-Race" form and his civilian disguise in the blink of an eye†.
4) He really doesn't care what you think. Pretention at it's best.
5) His cell phone rings to the tune of Knight Rider. How can you get any Gother than that?
I think that we should make him the KnoxGothic.com mascot, right down to t-shirts and a little plush Spam doll. Such gothic intrigue should be paid due homage, I say.
Hail to the king.
† - I do indeed have proof of this Master-Goth-Race form. Here is a shot of him beginning his transformation, notice the lengthening fangs? That's not Teeth by Gnash, yo. Don't miss the ears, either. Way to go, wolfman. And here is a pic taken immediately afterwards, when his complexion shifted from Token Hip-Hop kid to Gother than thou. Right down to the bad makeup job. Extraordinary. I almost sprained my wrists taking these pictures, let me tell you. He's quick! (Larger shots are available here and here, respectively.)
‡ - Although to some he certainly does look like a teddy bear, you should probably avoid making sudden moves around him while the DJ's are playing their sets. He appears to have a mild allergy to The Smiths, and has been known to get angry after inhaling too much clove smoke and patchouli. Do not make direct eye contact with him, as he may see this as a challenge to his personal territory. It's safe to feed him, but only after chanting "Yummy down on this" wildly for a minute or so. You've been warned.
