Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Old Southern Ass Whuppin

forum for those that like conversation so mindless that their braincells pop like a confetti bomb at a strippers birthday party

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Postby pryjmaty » Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:30 pm

Holy shit! Guess I'm a "yankee" for life then. LMFAO!!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If god had wanted us to bend over, she would have put diamonds on the floor.
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Postby Silent Huntress » Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:28 pm

Thank all your lucky stars and the deity of your choice!
"Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting"

"The flip side of the maternal instinct is the killer instinct."

-Dr. Ruthless aka Melissa Soalt, self defense instructor
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Postby blackheart2358 » Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:14 pm

looks like I'm gonna be somewhere in between .... well not quite in the middle

Long enough to grow a beer belly, - unfortunatley I have a bit of one ,,, a little on the pudgy side for me , but not large enough to use as a table to set my beer on , so I guess it's not too bad

lose most of your teeth, - failed that one , still have all my natural teeth .... in my mouth , not in a jar on the counter

move into a trailer in the middle of nowhere, - did that for about 6 months when I moved back to fla , in a decent house again

learn to fish with dynamite -- no dynamite needed , I can fish up a storm saltwater style , I don't do bass or freshwater so that will take redneck points away

and hunt deer with a spotlight out of season. -- nope never done that one , 2 more points gone

You will be required to wear a camo hunting cap and a dirty, stained wife beater if you're a man. -- I am far too clean of a person for that garbage , once again loss of redneck points

For women, you must gain enough weight to weigh at least 300 lbs, wear an oversized thin, dirty, stained white t-shirt without a bra and be seen outside day and night with a "chaw" of tobacco and pink foam curlers in your hair. -- excuse me while I puke

ok it apears that I failed the southener test
Drinking is my religion ... wil you join me in a prayer
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Postby iblis » Mon Jul 23, 2007 9:48 pm

i actually like knoxville, tn. i mean, if detroit were nice, and suburbs there didn't routinely become crackhead infested dumps, i wouldn't be here.

however, prior to moving here, i'd been warned by friends and family that everyone wore bib-overalls, chewed tobacco, ate whatever they could shoot out of the kitchen window (but only if it tasted nice after being deep-fat fried), no one had all of their original teeth, and it was very common to meet people who had married their sister or brother, or were the children of such.

those warnings weren't all in vain - in fact, some of them were quite true, at least in some parts of east tennessee.

what i hadn't been warned about was the fact that, in some/many areas, racism was prevalent, accepted and even, alarmingly enough, valued. or that many people were still disgruntled after losing a war that happened over 125 years ago (now 142). or that there really were people who could read a bible, and take it for complete and unembellished truth. (the rest of the world refers to these people as "fundamentalists")

but hey, at least there are some places in the area that are getting with the times.

If carpenters made buildings the way programmers make programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy all of civilization. — Anonymous
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