Church of the Cafe Racer

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Church of the Cafe Racer

Postby Vampilot » Tue Feb 22, 2005 2:13 pm

Something amusing to share w/you m/c freaks..

Brother bike goth, stand fast in the knowledge that you too are among God's chosen. You choose communion with the righteous on this forum and give servitude to the Lord as you ride the Cafe style. Be not worried as the evil ones attempt to hide the true word of the Lord from you. Sit quitely in your garage whilst smoking and drinking import beer which is the blood of Christ, and stare at the Lord's creation. You will begin the feel the presence of the Lord and the Lord will bestow these hidden passages on you. You must then witness to your brothers here. Bless you

I have been inspired by the lord himself to share with you the following 7 commandments which were originally in the bible but taken out for reasons unknown.

1. Honor the Cafe motorcycle and it's creator.

2. Thou shall operate thy motorcycle with the utmost caution unless showing off for friends or ladies.

3. Thou shall be a man of charity and goodwill by blipping the throttle as hot white trash girls pass by.

4. Thou shall not be concerned with matching thy helmet, gloves, jacket and boots with thy brightly colored paintwork. Wear black as a testament of your faith.

5. Thou shall not be tempted by the serpents Harley Davidson, Orange County Choppers and others practicing the evil way of cruisers.

6. Thou shall not wear leather vests, chaps or leather doo-rags in an attempt to convey thee as a bad ass.

7. Thou shall give thanks to the Lord by cracking the ton.

Bless you all
8 Thou shall convince thy wife that spending money on thy cafe bike is like sheparding the flock. Those who may see the cycle may be led to the lord.....Then he said unto thee "SHOW ME THE MUFUCKIN' MONEY BEEEOOTCH".(not a direct quote from the lord thy god.)
"But man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward,"
-Job 5:7

"Keep thy eye on the tach thine ears on the engine least thy whirlybits
seek communion with the sun" John 4:50

II Desmo chapter 4 verses 5&6:

5:"Lead ye not into the temptation of forsaking thy maintainence and proper care as an unkept, vehicle of the lord is not rightly honoring the our savior your god." 6: "An unclean motorcycle is satan's playground leading my brothers into despair and disrepair."
St. Lucas.

Ch5 v.9-12

9. There was a young man from the west that asked the lord 10. Master it is said that the removal of the chicken strip shall absolve all sins but you say otherwise. This is against the teachings. 11. The lord said, "Young squid, your bike is uncool and you are not worthy. Get something with some pizazz or my followers will kick your ass." 12. The young man left and was deeply shamed and the lord and his disciples drank deeply of the malted beverages and exceeded 100mph on their machines.
St. Amal the Monobloc.

Ch 4. Verses 18-22.

18. Blessed are those that wear the Puddin' Bowl for their faith shall be rewarded.
19. Blessed are those who ride machines that have less than 4 cylinders for they have felt the power of the lord.
20. My brothers, do not judge those who do not ride the machines of the chosen. Rather, show them the virtues of the flickable handling and high power to weight ratio by spanking them verily in the turns. They will seek understanding.
21. Do not abide the wisdom of the foolish who say that their false gods GSXR, YZF, and Ninja are superior. Their inferior machines will not stand the test of time as your machines have. Remember this my brothers, their machines were made by a godless race.
22. Ride as though the Evil Ones are persuing you. Because they are.
Gospel of the Clubman, specifically the following verses.

Chapter 2 verses 2-13

2.for the lord said unto thee, go forth and gather the fruits of the lord your God.3.gather heavy laden stock of Dunstall, Norman Hyde,and Boyer.4.bring forth vintage motorcycles of all types.5.gather two of each brand and do so under the cloak of darkness for you and your brothers will be the chosen.6.prepare an alter to the lord in the form of a clean middle class garage and stock thy beer fridge with imported brands which is the blood of Christ.7. Stand fast with your brothers as the Lord your god will send punishment and agony throughout the world.8. those who hold true to Rocker traditions will surely not perish.9. The lord then commanded, "For forty years and forty days, I will flood the earth with all manner of crusier motorcycles from lands near and far".10."those who will be lead into temptation will take the mark of the beast with officially licensed motor clothesand the brands of lesser demons from the west coast and orange county poisoning my brothers with choppers.11."those who would take the mark will find themselves void of self respect which will be evident by the wearing of ass-less chaps."12."those who take the mark will find themselves without personal style and uniqueness which was given to all by the Lord your God".13.the lord said unto thee "those who properly respect and execute the Law of the Cafe Racer will be the chosen few and the Lord will show much mercy and bestow great gifts."
Revelation of St. Beeza the OilStained.

Ch 4 verse 41-47
41. Remember my brothers, it is far easier to buy coolness than live it. 42. If it was easy, than every heathen would enter the relm of the cool 43. but the faithful will choose the path of antiquity because it is more better.
44. Shun the plastic and embrace the steel because the time of Lord is at hand. But be warned my brothers, much grief will befall you if the ancient prophecy is not heeded.
45. Woe to you lowly squid who follows the pack and thinks their souless machines are superior because devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows the time is short.
46. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast because it is a squidly number.
47. It's number is six hundred and thirty six.

Oh, and feel free to add....
Goth pick-up line # 48- 'Wanna ride in my Porsche?...It's Black..'
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Postby Bone » Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:04 am

LMFAO ... I love it!
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Postby Vampilot » Sat Feb 26, 2005 1:06 pm


When we look to outfit ourselves in proper motorcycle attire, I belive it wise to look to the first 16 passages of first chapter in the Book of the Wanker which reads:

1.From the heavens I heard a mighty sound 2. Before me appeared a man on a machine that I had yet not witnessed 3. for I then laid eyes upon the Son of God 4.He was dressed in the full armour of God 5.He wore upon his head a Davida Speedster helmet with custom airbrushing 6. his face was partly obscured due to the leather face mask and WWII vintage goggles 7.His body was covered in the finest of black leathers cut and sewn by the prophet Vanson 8.upon his legs were the pants of Levi Strauss and 9. his feet were shod with Vampire boots 10. It was at this time I knew I had come before the Lord thy God 11.I bowed my head as the Lord dismounted, removed his goggles and commanded 12."Fuckin' bloody hell ya' wanker shove off or buy me a pint" 13. It was at this time I followed the Lord to the Bloody Noodle Pub where he raised a glass and commanded 14."take this pint wanker and drink of it as it represents me fuckin blood15. I was not concerned as the Lord thy God had offered me the pint that I had bought 16. I drank deeply of the pint and felt the presence of the Holy Spirit.


The Light of the Gold Star Chapter 1 verses 1 through 5 which states not concerned with the perversity of those who surely do not understand the ways of the Cafe Racer 2.stand fast in the uniqueness bestowed upon you by the Lord thy God 3. For the Lord hath commanded "Do not take communion with mother fuckers who will lead you to doubt the faith, instead buy a pint for those whom give you strength"4.If thou find thyself riding amongst the land with down turned handlebars, chrome fenders, and a humped back seat he shall surely find the light 5.We must act defiantly toward the beast by not succumbing to treasures that the beast provides.

and of course:

And in the early days of the earth there were many false idols. Rudge beget Henderson and Henderson beget Villiars and Villiars beget James and there was much idolatry and making of oily stains on garage floors. Then the lord revealed the secret of the parallel twin to his disciple Edward Turner and he did sweat and toil to make a motorcycle worthy of the Lord. And after 40 days and 40 nights at Meriden factory there was born such a machine worthy of the cafe racer.

"And we shall call it the Triumph Speed Twin"

And it was good and fast and lean. And many men could buy the bolt on speed kit with cams and carbs and pipes. Now all within earshot of the word could race to the cafe with clip-ons and leather jackets.

And when the Lord's fallen angel did see the merriment he was angered. He did curse the entire motorycle industry and cast the world into darkness. And he who should fear him will know him by his name:


Goth pick-up line # 48- 'Wanna ride in my Porsche?...It's Black..'
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Postby 4X541N7 » Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:39 pm

Vampilot wrote:21. Do not abide the wisdom of the foolish who say that their false gods GSXR, YZF, and Ninja are superior. Their inferior machines will not stand the test of time as your machines have. Remember this my brothers, their machines were made by a godless race.

Did they just call Asian's a 'godless race'?
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