Cliches, Or What Publishers DON'T Want To See EVER Again

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Cliches, Or What Publishers DON'T Want To See EVER Again

Postby JaNell » Tue Jan 13, 2004 7:38 pm

On Spec Top 10 No-Nos

~o~

Highlights from Chiaroscuro Guidelines on poetry submissions:

2) Note on Goth poems. BEFORE YOU SUBMIT, go to the Goth-o-Matic Poetry Generator and create a poem:

http://www.deadlounge.com/poetry/poems.html

If the poem you want to send me even remotely resembles the one you just created with the Generator, DO NOT submit your own poem.

3) Unless you have had poems published in The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly or a similar calibre of magazine, DO NOT SUBMIT:
a) formal verse of any kind whatsoever
b) vampire poetry
c) any poem with the word "blood" in it
d) any poem with the word "womb" in it
e) anything remotely related to J.R.R. Tolkien

and

7) Use a readable font and size. (for example, 12-point Times New Roman or Arial) For editors, almost 100% of the time, interesting font = bad submission.


~o~

The Grand List Of Overused Science Fiction Cliches

~o~

McSweeney's explains:

SOME REASONS WE MIGHT SEND BACK OR DISLIKE YOUR SUBMISSION
The following features do not necessarily disqualify any submission guilty of one or more of them, but they do not help one's cause:

* Your submission was of the poetry type other than sestinas.
* Your submission was too long.
* Your submission included the words "these days" or "nowadays."
* Your submission did not take place in a jungle.
* Your list submission consists of items likely to be funny only to you and your circle of closest friends.
* Your submission addressed us as "McSwiney's," or "McSweaties," or "McSweetums," or "McSmarties," or "McWheaties," or "Earl." We have heard all of these.
* Your submission did not capitalize the first letters of sentences.
* Your submission was not credited to a person with a first and last name, and an address and phone number.
* Your submission was credited to an obvious pseudonym.
* Your submission included clever formatting which rendered it illegible.
* Your submission concerned life in college.
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Postby Lost Traveler » Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:24 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Wow What a bunch of pretencious(spelll) prats. To bad they're the ones making the choices :P
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- Even your sins are retail- John Stewart
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Postby JaNell » Wed Jan 14, 2004 3:58 pm

Lost Traveler wrote:Wow What a bunch of pretencious(spelll) prats. To bad they're the ones making the choices :P



Well, not really. McSweeney's is being somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but I posted this to give people an idea on what editors see waaaay too much of - things that have been done to death - and need to be gotten past before a writer is ready to submit work professionally.

The consensus is that, if you're not willing to take the time to avoid cliches, edit your own work for spelling, punctuation, and grammar, and follow the submission guidelines, why should they take the time to read it? It's a matter of professionalism. Professionalism only the enhances creativity and value of a piece of writing or art.
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Postby keltora » Tue Jan 27, 2004 5:28 pm

The thing is, a lot of people think that you just plop the stuff out there, and every editor is going to go "Oh, wonderful," but editors are people, most of them are harried, and they get a lot of slush.

The secret is to make certain that you are not hitting an editor's hot buttons when you submit material. To this end, youw should always read the guidelines.

Now, my editor at Yard Dog, Selina Rosen, writes a columb on her site called "Today's Bitch" and she uses this to tell it like it is.

I have borrowed the following from her site (she knows about it, as I told her I was going to be passing this around and crediting her with it. So read through the following... Laugh, if you must, but remember, there be a lot of truth buried here...

Laura J. Underwood

From the Yard Dog Press webisite:

Copyright © 2003 by Selina Rosen
All Rights Reserved.

Ten things not to do to your publisher

if you ever want them to publish you again

1. Your contract says 80 thousand words max so send 130. It's exactly the same isn't it?

2. Your editor tells you to send the manuscript in January because they'll have more time to work on it. Send it in March, at least two weeks after the actual due date on the contract.

3. Argue with the editor over everything they say.

4. When the editor tells you to cut ALL repeated scenes and sixty pages of text leave all but ten thousand words in and tell your editor that you are doing this to set up your next book.

5. Bitch about your cover art in a three-page letter to your publisher, but don't stop there. Send it to all your writer friends with a note attached that says, "Tell me if you think this sucks as much as I do." Explain to your publisher that all your friends agree with you.

6. Take six months to turn in your rewrite, and then bitch about the length of time it takes the copy editor and technical editor to set up your book.

7. Ask at least once a week why the publisher isn't posting your book for presales. After all, those two sales will make all the difference in the world.

8. Ask the publisher to mail out dozens of galleys to people they've never heard of. When they don't send out all you ask for, make up your own galleys and send them off. Make a point of telling the publisher you did this.

9. Because you didn't make the changes the editor asked you to make, the well-known authors who were supposed to blurb your book refused. So you get your friends – who few people have heard of – to blurb your book. Then rub it in the publisher’s face that you were able to get blurbs when they weren't.

10. Constantly tell the publisher what they ought to be doing to best sell your book, in spite of the fact that this is your first book sale. Constantly act as if you know much more about the business than they ever will.

Yes, these are the things to consider doing if you want to guarantee that you will be a struggling, tortured author-type for the rest of your life. Let the publisher know that you're no sell-out. Not only are you not going to make it easy for them to like your book, you'll make it damn near impossible. The best way to insure constant failure is to make those people who are only trying to make your work the best and most salable it can be want to rip out all their hair and pray for death, because of course while they're doing this they'll be able to smile as they tell someone how great your book is.

Nothing quite pleases a publisher like losing a bundle of money on a book because the author clung to their integrity at the expense of the work.

I know what I want, people, and you aren't going to change my mind.

Check out ANY house you send your work to. If they don't come up to your expectations, then don't send them your work. Don't sign with someone and then expect them to run their business the way you would. You wouldn't do that to Tor or Baen, so don't do it to me or any other small press. We have a hell of a lot more invested in a single title then those big bugger-heads do.

So... once again, don't send me your freaking book if you don't like the way I do business!

Shalom,

Selina
Black Hunters, Demons and Bogies--Oh, MY!
ChRONICLES OF THE LAST WAR available from Yard Dog Press
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Postby Lost Traveler » Tue Jan 27, 2004 7:46 pm

<<<<<<<<<< TOR????
Fashion is FOR Victims...-LT.
..The men in black, thier lips are sealed...-BOC
- Even your sins are retail- John Stewart
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