worst movies ever made (list five)

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Postby Russo » Sat Oct 30, 2004 5:13 pm

OH! And what was that lame movie where Bon Jovi fought vampires? *gag*
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Postby Zeo » Thu Nov 11, 2004 6:31 pm

OK, I have finally decided to join this thread and list the top 5 worst movies I can think of, all of which had a theatrical release. There are dozens more out there I could rant about, but I think a good odd number like five makes for a nice clean sweep, so let me get these off my chest and wash my hands of them.

5. Howard the Duck - A talking duck from another planet is whisked away to Earth to save us from an alien invader . You do the math. This is George Lucas's bastard child. He spent $2 million on Howard's duck suit alone. Widely considered one of the biggest movie bombs, with an overall budget of $37 million and a box office gross of $16 million, a loss of $21 million. This may never see a DVD release with those kind of numbers.


4. Batman & Robin - The worst Batman movie in the Series since 1989 and a perfect example of what happens when a director tries to wax nostalgic on a TV show from the 60s. That is exactly what director Joel Schumacher had in mind when he took the helm of the Batman franchise. Screenplay writer Akiva Goldsman totally screwed with plot and characters from the comic book to create a misconstrued clusterfuck of stupidity.
Bane (the baddass who broke Batman's back in the comic) was made from a dude pumped full of weed juice in Poison Ivy's secret laboratory!?! eh!?! In the comics Bane is the sole survivor of the Venom experiments, an attempt to create drug-enhanced killing machines. As a result of these tests, Bane has spent a lifetime as the toughest inmate in the worst prison on the South American island of Santa Prisca where he acquired his berserk strength, a savage, calculating intellect, and an unparalleled megalomania. He ultimately sets his sights on Gotham City, and goes gunning for the Dark Knight. Silly little character plot changes like this totally ruin a movie adaptation of any comic/video game/etc.
I won't even go into Schwarzenegger's role as Mr. Freeze. Watch and judge for yourself.
Too many villains, with very little substance. Two thumbs down for this over-hyped piece of shit.


3. Cutthroat Island - Geena Davis plays a pirate out to get some booty in this swashbuckling romantic adventure. Blah, blah, blah, yawn. I cant completely critique this one, my mom dragged me out to see it in the theatre as a kid, and I walked out on it about 10 minutes in to sneak in to see something else. It just had "bad" written all over it.
It's listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the biggest loss of money for a film company ever, and bankrupted Carolco Pictures, the production company behind the movie. A complete and total flop.


2. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie - I have a VHS copy of this I got from the boxless bin at Movies 4 Sale a while back. I had not seen it since I was a kid in the theatre, and had forgotten how terrible it was. I can't even begin to go into why this movie is total crap and a waste of time. I'll just say this, it might have worked as a pilot TV show that never made it off the ground, but it was actually released in theatres! Ugg, WHY!?! The budget was so low, there is only one set throughout the entire movie, a junk store!
I used to collect Garbage Pail Kids cards and stickers, and love the nostalgia of it all, but I still don't understand why Hollywood thought this would work. This is by far of the worst movies of the 80s.


1. Street Fighter: The Movie - Yet another example of Video Game to movie gone horribly wrong. Not only did they pick bad actors for the characters from the game, they completely changed their backgrounds and personalities to the point of absurdity. The story has absolutely nothing to do with the game, just the game's characters put in a story with bad writing, directing and acting. Screenwriter/Director Steven E. de Souza really didn't do his homework for this one, apparently never even played the game enough to know what it is about. The story in the movie revolves around Guile, who is a minor character in the game, instead of the game's main characters, Ryu and Ken, who in the movie had minor screen time. Chun Lee is another main plot character in the game who is working with Interpol to bring down drug lord and dictator M. Bison (Vega in the original Japanese version) to avenge the death of her father. In the movie her background was changed to portray her as a fucking news reporter (ala April O'Neil in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who just as a bit of trivia was a prostitute in the original comics). Not only that, but Balrog and E. Honda are her cameramen? Jesus H could they have done any worse? In the game Balrog (M. Bison in the Japanese version) is a former heavyweight champion boxer, whose aggression in the ring was out of control. Because of his wild, brutish nature, he killed a man in the ring. Balrog doesn't care about good and evil, but power, sex, and money drive him. In the movie he is seen as a camera man with a helping hand. The same can be said for Honda's character.
I could go on all day about how stupid of a concept this movie is and completely pick it apart, psycho-analyze it and point out parallels to "Batman and Robin" but I'm sure I have bored you enough with this rant if you have even read this far. Being a fan of the game series, I just have to say this is the biggest disappointment as for a movie adaptation of all time, if not the worst movie in film history.
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Postby sinful_fetish » Thu Nov 11, 2004 9:54 pm

From Dusk til Dawn - as a Quentin fan, I like to pretend this was his own lil joke to the world.

All of the Jackie Chan movies starting some American actor. Just role them all into one as just one awful movie.

Waterworld - I can't believe I spent money to see Kevin Cosner turn his piss to water.

Wolf - Jack Nicholson as a werewolf? Nuff said.

Queen of the Damned - I don't have enough hours in the day to say why this movie should have never been made.

My two cents. Thank you and have a nice day :)

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Postby Russo » Thu Nov 11, 2004 10:07 pm

sinful_fetish wrote:Queen of the Damned - I don't have enough hours in the day to say why this movie should have never been made.


Yeah, that move was a piece of shit. But I'll be damned if I didn't get a girl boner from watching Stewart Townsend suck all that blood :twisted:
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Postby sinful_fetish » Fri Nov 12, 2004 5:56 pm

Russo wrote:Yeah, that move was a piece of shit. But I'll be damned if I didn't get a girl boner from watching Stewart Townsend suck all that blood :twisted:



I did like the part where the akasha chick came out of the rose water.....nice


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Postby ophelia » Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:20 am

The new Stepford Wives (oh God)

Left Behind

Dirty Dancing

Spice World

Everything with the Olsen freaks
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Postby Onibubba » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:37 am

ophelia wrote:The new Stepford Wives (oh God)


Glad I read this...I was going to rent that tonight (Its a Christopher Walken thing) but I think I'll pass. Cheers!
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Postby ophelia » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:50 am

Onibubba wrote:
ophelia wrote:The new Stepford Wives (oh God)


Glad I read this...I was going to rent that tonight (Its a Christopher Walken thing) but I think I'll pass. Cheers!


Oh yeah, don't waste a dime. I'm a HUGE fan of the original, and this one is a joke. Besides the fact that the girls have expanding boobs and they actually function as walking ATM machines, the director completely changes the ending. Walken's performance is the worst I've seen, and the plot, even if you haven't seen the original, makes no logical sense.

I was actually yelling at the screen, and angry when it was over.
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..

Postby sapphirerose » Thu Nov 18, 2004 10:33 pm

1.The Stepford Wives--complete waste of time

2.Envy (with Ben Stiller & Jack Black)--words cannot express how terrible;

3.Waterworld--wtf were they thinking?

4.Shrek2--they should have just stopped after the first one.

5. Queen of the Damned--tacky and bad bad acting
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Postby JaaGula » Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:00 pm

1. House of the Dead
2. Cabin Fever
fuck I know theres more but i'm to drunk to think of them...
oh yeah
3. Mortal Combat
4. Jaws 3d
5. Any of the new Star Wars movies
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Postby B_Ko » Mon Feb 14, 2005 7:51 pm

Damn. I posted a new topic like this one.

My fave movies that are bad in a good way:

-Street Fighter
-Double Dragon
-Super Mario Brothers
-Manos: The Hands of Fate
-Footloose

And movies that suck in every way possible:

-Field of Dreams
-Anything with Bette Midler as a jewish woman
-Field of Dreams
-Save the Last Dance
Field of Dreams
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Postby B_Ko » Mon Feb 14, 2005 7:55 pm

Russo wrote:
sinful_fetish wrote:Queen of the Damned - I don't have enough hours in the day to say why this movie should have never been made.


Yeah, that move was a piece of shit. But I'll be damned if I didn't get a girl boner from watching Stewart Townsend suck all that blood :twisted:

...I liked the soundtrack...
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Postby mehem » Mon Feb 14, 2005 8:12 pm

-Battle Royale 2(what a disapointment,done by the original director's son after his death)

-TCM 3 & Next Generation(betcha' Rene and Matthew want people to forget this one)

-Jason's(save for 1,2,maybe 3)epic saga

-Pick a Wes Craven flick(cept,for like maybe 3,maybe)

-the latest trendy holywood horror flick(the darkness,house,boogeyman,etc...)














:kill: Uwe Boll
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Postby B_Ko » Mon Feb 28, 2005 5:19 pm

Oh, yeah. I have five more:

Field of Dreams

Mr. T's be somebody or be somebody's fool. (no, wait, that's the greatest movie ever made. my bad.)

Army of Darkness

Field of Dreams

Field of Dreams
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Postby Bigun » Tue Apr 26, 2005 1:56 pm

1. Pulp Fiction - Sorry... but if a movie's best assets are butt-fucking, scattered storyline, and 15 minute monologs ... it isn't worth my time.

2. Neverending story 2 - It slaughtered a classic.... bastards

3. Mortal Kombat (pick one) and Street Fighter - Barney and Friends has better acting skillz... both were so bad I wouldn't give each one a slot

4. Double Dragon - I loved the game. I about cried seeing the movie.

5. Star Wars Episode 1 (never bothered to see any of the others) - After watching a **FIVE** year old "accidentally" stumble into an X-wing and whip the Imperal's ass, I was totally turned off. No amount of force crammed up that kids ass would have made him that good of a pilot.
Last edited by Bigun on Thu Jun 09, 2005 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Aerick Ravenheart » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:24 am

1.Terror Toons...(filmed in 3 days, possibly the worst movie EVER)

2. The Village...(zzzzzzzz...huh, what? Did they find out it modern times yet?)

3.Jeepers Creepers 2.. .(complete disappointment as the follow up to one of my favorite horrors. The 1st was good, this just...sucks)

4.The Black Book( prolly the worst chick flick I had to sit through.)

5.Wendigo( sucks.)

6. From Dusk Till Dawn 2( terrible sequel to one of my faves)

7.The Crow: Salvation (I actually liked the 2nd one, but this one definitely blew a big one)

8.Any VAn DAmme flick

9. The Bogus Witch Project( a parody movie starring Pauly Shore and other out of work actors.No offense to Pauly, love his others)

10.I Still Know...(who gives a shit?)(Except Jack Black as the stoner dude, that was kewl)

11.Speed 2...(need I say more?)

12. Ghoulies 2,3, 4(cheesy stupidity and not scary....at all.)

13. Wishmaster 4( I liked the first 3, mianly the first 2 with Andrew Divoff)

14. ANACONDA

15. Godzilla(1998)

16.End of Days(Riiight...at least the soundtrack was decent)

17. Crossroads(not the Ralph Macchio movie, that was badass,but the one with Britney Spears)

18.Cool as Ice( He was to the extreme with that one alright)

19. House 2 and 4....there wasn't a third???

20. Neverending Story 2 and 3. (Bastard children to a classic favorite)

I'm sure there are more but my mind went blank. Oh....And a lot of people say this was one of the worst films in history, but I LOVE the hell outta it.....FREDDY GOT FINGERED....(Daddy would you like some sausage, sausage? Daddy would you like some Sau- Sa- Ges?)
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Postby B_Ko » Thu May 12, 2005 7:25 pm

I think i just found a new topper for my list:

LASER MISSION, starring Brandon lee.

You know, before the Crow, people were asking brandon lee if it would kill him to make a good movie. And you know what? IT DID. Creepy.
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Postby B_Ko » Wed May 18, 2005 5:21 pm

I'm going to create a new top five in bits and pieces like this, probly.

I found a new one, and its one of the most bizarre/worst things i've seen in a long while: Return of the Dinosaurs. Its part toys, part claymation, part puppet, and part anime. Its very hard to describe, but to put it simply, this movie sucks real bad.
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Postby Russo » Wed May 18, 2005 5:28 pm

The worst movie ever made can be found at Hollywood Video. It's called Zombiez. Basically, it's a girl running around a building for an hour. Then running in the woods for another hour. And some shots of crackheads covered in cranberry juice because they couldn't afford fake blood.
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Postby GothFreak » Fri Sep 02, 2005 12:35 am

1. Power Rangers

2. Cursed

3. The Cave- It's horrible i almost fell asleep

4. White Chicks

5. Free Willy- Forever gonna be used as an excuse to not date a fat chick even though nothing is wrong with fat chicks
So I say thank you for the scars and all the guilt and the pain every tear i've never cried has sealed your fucking fate What did you take me for a fool? or were you just to blind to see that every effort made has failed and there is no destroying me
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